I have recently been pondering the world of “you made me do it”. This came up as result of listening to a popular radio station and the words of Taylor Swift in her latest song “Look What You Made Me Do”.

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do

I was feeling my body as I listened to this song and noticed that I felt the early signs of anger or agitation – some tightening in my stomach, a bit wriggly like I was having a surge of adrenalin. Then the thoughts kicked in. I felt annoyed. And then I chose to remain that way (until I’d taken action).

Why you ask?
I asked myself the same question. And here is why.

As a Life Coach, I work with people who want to change something in their lives. The thing they want to change could be anything from feeling more motivated, losing weight, making a relationship change, changing their life balance because one area is taking over (ie, work)… The list is endless and I’ve seen a lot of different things since I have been doing this work. What is common is that change needs to be made in order for a person to get towards their ultimate goal (whatever that may be).

I often hear phrases such as “Joe made me get angry because he called me fat”, “The Government raised this tax so I had to do that”, “I ate the whole chocolate cake because I was sad”.

The speaker is saying that these things “made them do it”. The things being Joe, the Government and the feeling of sadness.

This is all very common as most of us aren’t aware of the process our mind goes through in the failure cycle. But just to let you know that the final stage of the failure cycle is ‘blame’.

That is, blaming things, circumstances or people for how we react or what we do.

I chose to be annoyed as I believe the song is blaming others for actions the singer is taking. I do not blame Taylor Swift for my feelings. I own them, just as I own my action to continue to listen to the song. I could have just moved on or turned it off. I have now let go of the annoyance as I’ve been able to write this post and educate you about the failure cycle – a blessing really. All I want is to maybe spark something in you so that you can begin to change your thought process and become more empowered. You can control those thoughts and therefore, control your life if you are more aware of how the brain works.

In itself, failure is not a ‘bad’ thing – in fact, all of us at some stage have done it. In fact, you have to do it in order to learn new things. For example, think of a child learning to walk – they have to fall down in order to get the hang of it. Good things can take time and we just need to go with it as we learn. Often failure can spark great things like the discovery of a new cure for a disease, or some technological invention.

But what successful people have in common is the desire to keep going and get their desired destination. We have all got to the desired destination at some point in life so we are all successful. However, if you find yourself constantly blaming other things for the choices you make in life to do something or not do something then you are stuck in ‘blame’ (like Taylor in her song) and might need to work a bit on that. As a result, you will always find yourself not quite getting to that feeling of accomplishment or satisfaction. You may always feel that “there is something missing in my life”.

I read a Year 8 student’s final report comment today and this really summed it up for me. This child (ahead of his years if you ask me) said the following:

“Life is a fire and you are a sword. You can be forged into something better and stronger than yourself. Or you can be warped and made useless. But, at the end of the day, it is your choice.

No matter what the circumstance, you can choose to blame. Or you can make a different choice and take ownership of yourself and your thoughts. It’s one of the hardest things we have to do as humans, but at the end of the day, we are in control of our future.

We are what we think. BUT we can change our thought patterns in order to create change.

P.S Choice is a constant journey we will always be on (me included). It’s just how the brain works. Awareness is the first step to making a change!


roar fierce craniosacral therapy and coaching logo Emma Thomson Rich Nutrients Roar Fierce

Article by: Anna Thomson

A former lawyer, Anna is now a Life Coach and Craniosacral Therapist who practices out of The OM Clinic in Wellington & Revolve Fitness in Tawa, near Wellington. She also does online Coaching appointments across New Zealand. Anna says: “My aim is to help you decide what you really want and go for it with action planning & support along the way. I want to see you happy, thriving and being authentically you (rather than living a life of ‘shoulds’).  I can also work with your nervous system using Craniosacral therapy (CST). CST is a non-manipulative, gentle therapy suited to everyone and is an offshoot of Osteopathy. I am interested in working with you if you are a pregnant woman, baby, menopausal woman, pre or post-surgery or injury, depressed, anxious or grieving or want to connect better with your body & emotions.  I also own Rich Nutrients an online health store providing delivery of your favourite health goodies (rural delivery also). Product includes protein powders/shake powders/fruit powders, healthy snacks, nuts, seeds, Kombucha, Saurkraut, Collagen, Gelatin, Organic Bone Broth (Chicken and Beef), Vegetarian broth etc. I love using all the tools I have to help people find wellness, energy, and authenticity.”




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