“grief only exists where love lived first” – Franchesca Cox
I met with a friend on Friday who reminded me of how important it is not to shy away from my gifts and who I can help in the process. It was the kick in the bum I needed to get me out of “safe zone” and start to share a bit more of my story.
My life has been surrounded by grief from the young age of 11 when I lost my best friend to cancer. I have experienced grief in all its forms, not just the physical loss of someone or something. It is through my experiences that I have developed the unique ability to hold the space for someone to work through their grief…..to feel what needs to be felt while feeling supported, loved and safe.
Grief doesn’t discriminate and can make us question everything there is about our being and our purpose. For 25 years I have been searching and trying to make sense of my grief, being open to anything and everything that fuelled my thirst for knowledge to try and understand this crazy world.
Grief has no timeframe. It is an individual process and when we hide what it is we are truly feeling, it can show up in your life in ways such as repeated patterns of bad relationships, poor career choice, procrastination, people pleasing and always questioning why me?
My message is not going to give you a magic cure, quick fix mediation or 7 step plan to heal your grief. Like I said, it took 25 years to sort my shit out. What I want you to do is just acknowledge it for what it is. Ask yourself, what is it that I really need right now to nourish me, not because that’s what I think people want me to do or what is expected, but what I truly need. Maybe it means to cry, read a self-help book, eat a bar of chocolate (King Size) or just sit in silence. No right or wrong here, just a personal process.
What people need to be able to do is talk openly about their feelings without judgement. It is in my experience that people want and need to talk about it, that is part of the healing process. Closing off or hiding emotions will only provide temporary relief, if that and a sure way of fueling anxiety and depression. Let’s celebrate those who have past and share our experiences. This way, others can take comfort in the fact that they are not alone with how they are feeling and dive deeper into their personal beliefs, not those that we have been conditioned with.
There’s so much judgement on what we should grieve over. I can tell you that one of my biggest losses was my cat! I grieved for that cat more than most people that have passed. Call me the crazy cat lady but the connection was so strong and when she died part of me went with her. It’s not about the “what” or the “who” but that connection that is no longer there in a physical sense that causes us pain.
The fact is, at some point in our lives we will experience grief or are still experiencing it and don’t know how to move forward. Allow yourself to feel, express your emotions and love all those around you…that includes yourself! Tell people you love them, even your friends. You could be pleasantly surprised by their reaction. Just be you and show yourself as much compassion and love that you do so easily for others.
Chenin has been able to Create Balance in her life and it is now her life’s purpose to help others to do the same. She currently works out of her Clinic in Queenstown. Happening 28-29 April at Kinross Cottages, Gibbston Valley, Queenstown, Chenin brings together 9 inspirational women, offering infinite opportunities. Join them for a weekend of information, demonstration & insights. More information.
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