Due to my fear of rejection, I almost lost myself – an honest snippet out of my diary entry.
“I don’t like who I have become. I have become my boyfriend. My realization and thoughts scare me. I question if I can be Eugenia in this relationship. Would he really like the real Eugenia – someone who is happy, silly, chatty but also independent, driven, motivated, straight up, honest, and at times cold, distant, angry and frustrated.
I have given up my friends, my hobbies and stopped wearing clothes I used to love wearing….
This is not his fault. It is me who wants to be liked and accepted. I am fearful of rejection and seeking for approval, from him and others. I have always been and am still doing”.
This realization makes me feel empowered and I give myself permission to let go of this fear and introduce the real Eugenia to the relationship and to the world. If that means this relationship will end, then this is the reality I have to face. I have to be real with myself and others. Rather than being unhappy by trying to be someone else and having people who like the façade, I am prepared to be happy and open the door for those who love the real Eugenia. I am prepared to attract the tribe by creating the real vibe.
“I am choosing me. I am choosing Eugenia.”
According to Psychology Today: “Fear of rejection is one of the deepest human fears. We are biologically wired to belong, we fear being seen in a critical way. We fear to be alone.”
Being human means we long to be accepted and wanted. It hurts to experience loss or rejection. This desire was detrimental to my physical and mental health and was one of the major reasons I developed an eating disorder when I was a teenager. I believed that I had to look a certain way, have a certain body, wear certain clothes and do certain things to be like others and to be liked by them.
Only in my late twenties, I have found myself by finding my passion for dancing and yoga. This allowed me to grow my confidence, to speak up and say no. I started understanding my own values and act on them. I no longer needed to starve or exercise 6 times a week to get that “perfect” body to be found attractive, be loved and accepted. Naturally, I attracted like-minded people with similar values, beliefs and hobbies. I found peace within myself and didn’t need that as much from others. It still keeps coming up now and again, but I am strong enough to quiet it down.
This strength was such a strong drive to follow my calling. I quit my well-paid and safe HR job and started MindFoodNess. I knew that I wanted to help women to transform their mindset to change how they live, think, feel and eat so that they can live a life full of passion and purpose. I am now inspiring and empowering women to find joy in eating, have all the energy in the world and live an extraordinary life where they love themselves and never need to diet again.
If you have that inner voice telling you that you are here for MORE, I strongly encourage to look at where you are holding yourself back.
The following questions have helped me to get perspective and be honest with myself. May they help you:
What are your biggest fears?
What values are you not living by?
What are you avoiding and what would you do if you didn’t have those fears?
Where do you compromise to the point that it hurts you mentally, physically and emotionally?
What can you do today to start living a life you deserve?
It can feel overwhelming when you start making the realization, you might even feel fear, but remember to take one step at a time.
Writing a journal, see a coach or a councilor can help you to ask the right questions and guide you through a process to understand where you are at and where you would like to be. Ask yourself what you need to do to get from here to there. What would your future self-look like? Make a plan and follow that process.
Article by: Eugenia Nikiforow
I empower women to transform their mindset to achieve a life, body and health they deserve. I support women not only with their diet but work also on a deeper level to break old habits, overcome blockages that no longer serve you so that you finally feel in charge of your health, body and life. I have a three pillar approach to health by addressing your health concerns physically, nutritionally and mentally.